i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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