dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
