can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
