Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
