Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
