I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
