Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
high people should be assigned attendants
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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