you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
