Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Your cock deserves a montage
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
