a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
