I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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