I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
