Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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