Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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