Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
