Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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