My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
