I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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