Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Randomize
