All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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