I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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