hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Farmville is her only friend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
