Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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