How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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