Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
