I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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