Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I will pee on everything he values.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
