We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
