how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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