4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
