did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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