I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
