I must be too annoying 4 u.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
God, I missed his penis.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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