Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
