"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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