her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
