Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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