saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
