I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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