I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
