i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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