Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
