I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My life is pants optional.
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