lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
