There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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