I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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