An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
