oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
