I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
