Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
