Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
