First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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