if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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