I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
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Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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