when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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