come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
