i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
