I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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