is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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