You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
false alarm, still single
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
