BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
