i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
