Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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