Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
4 words: hood of his car
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
