who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
