How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
