really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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