To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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