We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
