I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
