you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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