I feel great
I just peed on a car
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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