...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
