Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize