I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
