One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
