Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
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Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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