My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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