You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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