YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
