I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
