The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
