Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
