I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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