no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
