someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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