i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
